Most Hilarious Funny Jokes

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..  The story continues.... The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card. MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband. 😆 Story continues.... Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse and uses it to clear all the bills. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card. Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE. 😎 Fresh absolutely fresh....

⛔ CAUTION : ⛔ Even if your wife uses dual sim phone, save both the number under one name : "WIFE" ......  Never save it as "wife 1" and "wife 2"...  : from a Hospitalised Husband... 

This one beats them all.....Sonia ne manmohan se kaha "ab to apna maun vrat tod do son of sardaar"...... To manmohanji bhi bol pade "Abki baar Modi sarkar "

Abhishek bachchan to aradhya: I am ur mom's first love... Aradhya: lekin google to Bol raha his ki pehle salman uncle tha, uske baad Vivek uncle... Ash n Abhishek shocked Aradhya: Idea Internet jab lagaving... India ko no ullo banaoing....no ullo banaoing...

People drink  & smoke for few days & get addicted to it ....! I'm studying📚 since nursery  But still not addicted to studying This is called 'self control'

Boy:Tumhe mai Zyada Pasand Hu Ya Toilet..? Girl: Kya Stupid Question hai ye? Boy:Nahi Janu Batao na? Girl: Ofcourse Tum Hi Ab Batao Q Pucha? Boy:Toilet K Liye To Tum Foran Salwar Utaar Deti ho Magar Mujhe Bahut Minnate Karni Parti Hai Q.?  Wah ustaad wah kya Kutta Dimag paya hai...

A female secretary got an expensive pen as a gift from her boss. She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. His’ wife read the email and filed for divorce. The email said: Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it. Thanks a lot" Moral: A "space" is an essential part of English grammar.

Bhaiyo pesh hai is saal ka sabse khatarnak chutkula... Romantic moment..... Beach par newly married joda udaas baitha tha. . Ladke ne us Ladki ko kaha kya bat hai udaas Q h o? Ladki khamosh rahi. Ladke se bardasht na hua or kaha koi waja to btao Ladki door kinaarey par dekhne Lagi or Khamosh rahi Ladka bola mujh se apna dukh Q chupa rhi ho? Ladki ne apni palken jhukai or Us ki ankho se Ansu nikal gaye. Ladka tadap utha or bola ab bta do nhi to mai jaan de dunga Ladki ne bheegi palkon k saath Rait Par Likha . . . . . . . . ........ "Paad Maar rahi thi POTi Nikal Gai"...😛

If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT, Why are whales FAT ??  Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND ?  Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN, but nobody wants to DIE..  Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess... As the WHITE piece is moved FIRST...  In our country, We have FREEDOM of SPEECH, Then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS ?  If money doesn't grow on TREES, then why do banks have BRANCHES ? 😆😆😆😆 Why doesn't GLUE stick to its BOTTLE ?  Why do you still call it a BUILDING, when its already BUILT ?  If its true that we are here to HELP others, What are others HERE for ? 😆 😆😆...

An Ultra Modern wife's note for the husband : I am gng out wid my frens for dinner. Your dinner is on the recipe book, page 25 and ingredients are available at Reliance Fresh

Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain? A: An egghead.  Q: What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water? A: It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick! So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right? Q: Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? A: From Eggplants. Q: What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school? A: He was eggspelled! Q: Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs? A: She had to call an eggs-terminator! Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A: Bugs Bunny! Q: Why was the little girl sad after the race? A: Because an egg beater! Q: What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? A: a hot cross bunny Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most? A: Fry-days. Q: What kind of bunny can’t hop? A: A chocolate one! Q: How do bunnies stay healthy? A: Eggercise Q:...

Knock, knock!  Who's there?  Alma.  Alma who?   Alma: Easter candy is gone. Can I have some more? Knock, knock!  Who's there?   Arthur.  Arthur who?  Arthur: any more eggs to decorate? Knock, knock!  Who's there?   Donna.   Donna who?  Donna: want to decorate some eggs? Knock, knock!  Who's there?   Harvey.  Harvey who?  Harvey: good Easter everyone. Knock, knock!  Who's there?   Heidi.   Heidi who?   Heidi: the eggs around the house. Knock, knock! Who's there?  Howard.  Howard who?   Howard: you like a chocolate bunny? Knock, knock!  Who's there?  Police.  Police who?  Police: hurry up and decorate your eggs. Knock, knock!  Who's there?  Sherwood.  Sherwood who?  Sherwood: like to have an Easter basket like yours. Knock, knock!  Who's...

Electricity is really just organized lightning.... ~ George Carlin

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? Answer is: One hundred people who don't do dick. ...

प्रिय लड़कियों, माना राहुल जी अमीर,  सुन्दर और मंदबुद्धि हैं. ... लेकिन ये प्रधानमंत्री का चुनाव है,  आपके पति का नहीं ... थोडा सोच समझ कर वोट दें राहुल गाँधी के गाल के गड्डो पर मरने वाली लडकियों से निवेदन है ...  की इस बार सड़क के गड्डे को ध्यान में रखकर वोट दे

गब्बर सिंह की निजी डायरी मिली !! उसने खुलासा किया है कि उसने ठाकुर का हाथ ... किसी निजी दुश्मनी से नहीं काटा था .. बल्कि इसलिए काटा था क्योकि ठाकुर ने ... कांग्रेस को वोट दिया था !! Apki baar modi sarkaar ....

Santa calls an ambulance ... because his mate Banta had been hit by a car...... Santa: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose ... and ears and I think both his legs are broken. ... 'Operator: 'What is your location sir?' ... Santa: 'Outside 28 Connaught Place ... 'Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?' ... Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute ... Operator: 'Are you there sir?' ... More heavy breathing and another minute later.... Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'  ... This goes on for another few minutes until .... Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. ... Can you still hear me?' ... Santa: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell Connaught place, so I just dragged him round to Minto road .... aap Minto Road ki spelling note karo...

Pappu ne "FM Radio Station" call ki : Hello.. ji ye 98.9 FM Radio station hai ? RJ: ji Haan Pappu: Meri awaaz pura shehar sun raha hai ? R.J: Haan ji haan.  Bilkul Pappu: Yani ghar mein jo meri behan Radio sunn rahi hai.. wo Bhi sun rahi hogi? R.J (Ghusse me) : Ha be ha Pappu: Hello Pinki! Agar meri aawaz sun rahi hai.. toh jaldi se Motor chala de. Main uper chhat par.. Toilet mein baitha hun aur Paani khatam ho gaya hai aur tera phone switch off aa rha hai!

Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from Room) ... Please Come Fast, I am Having an Argument with My Wife ... & She Says She will Jump from ur Hotel Window. ... Hotel Manager : Sir, I am Sorry, But this is ur Personal Issue. ... Husband : dumbo ! The Window's not Opening. ... This is a Maintenance Issue ... 

Wife ambulance ko 102 per call karti hai ... Operator: Aapko kya samasya hai? ... Wife: Mere pair ki ungli coffee table se takra gayi hai. ... Operator: haste hue, aur iske liye aap ambulance bulana chahati hain. ... Wife: Nahi, ambulance to mere pati ke liye hai, use hasna nahi chahiye tha. ...

Feel dis joke tooo....  A kid went to the police to report about his lost bicycle.  KID: My new bicycle has been stolen. ... POLICE: When did u notice? KID: This morning. ... POLICE: Do you have a suspect? KID: Yes,my MUM and DAD. ... POLICE: why did u suspect them?  KID: yesterday @ midnight i heard MUM saying make it stand well so I can sit on it very well ''and DAD said ''climb up fast so it won't fall.  Then MUM said ''push slowly slowly don't hurt me.... Police: hahahaha, boy na senior bicycle be that ooo...not yours!!!!

A cheating wife reads a whatsapp text from her boyfriend saying that their affair is over. ... Husband asks: ''What are you reading ?'' Wife: ''Its a recipe I got from Mavis. ... Husband: "Then why are you crying?'' Wife: ''Oooo, I'm reading the part with the onions. ...

Police: knock knock... Suspect: who's it? Police: Police... Suspect: what do you want? Police: talk to you... Suspect: how many are you? Police: two... Suspect: since you are the two of you, you can talk to  each other..